Dumb Lawsuits

(Second verse, same as the first) Pants, where would we be without you pants? Perhaps in the country of France with some guy named Lance who doesn’t believe in you, oh mighty pants. It’s our lives you enhance that makes us dance and thank our aunts for sending us some pants. PANTS!

Day Two of the Roy Pearson “Pants Under Siege” trial has passed. The judge is expected to announce her ruling later this week, but here’s a taste of what happened so far, courtesy of the Washington Post.

According to the story, Pearson claims he was forced to file his multi-million dollar lawsuit against the dry cleaners because of a “Satisfaction Guarantee” sign they posted on the door of their cleaning establisment. If only they put a “Dumbasses Not Welcome” sign, Pearson might have avoided this all together.

The judge also reportedly said at one point during the trial, “I don’t know what we’re doing at this point.” when trying to figure out just what Pearson was doing (i.e. testifying, enterting evidence into exhibit or arguing). I ask myself that same question everyday, Judge. Welcome to the club.

Among the judge’s monetary claims, he wants $15,000 for having to rent a car every weekend to drive to another cleaners. He also talked about the pain of having to use a wardrobe closet at his office so he wouldn’t have to drive the extra mile out of his way to go to another cleaners. It sounds like pants are the least of his problems. I think he just needs to sing about pants.