Dumb Lawsuits

There are a lot of things that can tear at the fabric of our nation: war, violence, terrorism, blind ignorance. But there’s one thing that if not confronted head on could quickly send the spirit of our nation spiraling down the drain like a hair clog of doom: lack of confidence in our condiments.

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (LA Times) — The guacamole sold by Kraft Foods Inc., one of the bestselling avocado dips in the nation, includes modified food starch, hefty amounts of coconut and soybean oils, and a dose of food coloring. The dip contains precious little avocado, but many customers mistake it for wholly guacamole.

On Wednesday, a Los Angeles woman sued the Northfield, Ill.-based food company, alleging that it committed fraud by calling its dip “guacamole.” Her lawyer says suits against other purveyors of “fake guacamole” could be filed soon.

The suit, which seeks class-action status, highlights the liberty some food companies take in labeling their products.

The story said that if guacamole lovers had read the fine print, they would discover that only two percent of Kraft’s guacamole dip comes from actual avocados. Dear God, American’s haven’t regularly been eating their vegetables?!? When did this start happening?!?

Kraft defended themselves by saying that they weren’t deceiving their customers because “We think customrs understand that is isn’t made from avocado.” It’s guacamole! What did they think it was made from: moonbeams and love?

The plaintiff, Brenda Lifsey, filed the lawsuit after making a three-layer dip with the offensive guacamole when she shockingly discovered mid-slather that little to no avocado was contained in the dip. She remains at Cedar Sinai in critical condition.