Dumb Lawsuits

Here’s one lawsuit that got tossed out of court like so much undercooked tuna.

MINEOLA, N.Y. (Washington Post) — A jury took two hours Thursday to reject a widow’s claim that her husband’s death resulted from an injury he suffered while ducking a piece of flying shrimp at a Benihana steakhouse.

The family of Jerry Colaitis, 47, had sought $10 million from the Japanese steakhouse chain, accusing it of direct responsibility for his death in 2001. Benihana chefs are famous for their fast and furious knives and food-tossing stunts.

How could such a succulent piece of shrimp send one man to that great big sushi bar in the sky, you ask? The family claims that an unidentified chef tossed a piece of shrimp at Colaitis causing him to wring his back. He was treated for injuries stemming from the shrimp dodging, had to undergo surgery and later died from complications.

The family claimed Benihana (motto: food tastes better when its heated and thrown at your head) was responsible because the chef kept throwing shrimp at them and “refused to stop even after their pleas.” Just imagine a poor, embittered, frightened family being held hostage by a mad sushi chef as their cries of “Please, not the California roll! NOT THE CALIFORNIA ROLL!” echoes off the walls of the “Benihostel.”

The jury tossed out the case at the behest of Benihana’s attornies after just two hours of deliberation. Of course, Colaitis’ widow, Jacqueline, was not Benihappy.

“Two hours is nowhere near enough to have gone through any of the records,” Jacqueline Colaitis said.

More than two hours worth of records on a flying piece of shrimp? The Warren Commission’s report on the JFK assassination wasn’t that long. Did the chef toss the shrimp out of the window of a book depository? Was there another chef seen standing on the grassy grill? Did Colaitis’ attorney develop some kind of “magic shrimp theory”?