Dumb Lawsuits

(It’s that time again folks, sing along!) Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! I…LOVE…PANTS!

The trial of Judge Roy Bean…er, Pearson vs. Custom Cleaners started this week and it’s become a pretty high profile case in the eyes of the American media. No, America, YOU’RE welcome.

It’s so high profile that Washington Post Off/Beat Columnist Emil Steiner started live blogging the trial.

The trial started two days ago, so here’s what he’s reported so far. Pearson wrapped up his case on the first day. He took the whole eight hours to deliver his case. Eight hours talking about pants? Sounds more like an episode of “Loveline.”

He called up just about everyone ever connected to these pants except for the Laotian sweatshops kids who made them. He called a Nordstrom salesman who talked about the kind of suits connected to the pants and even his postal worker who talked about everything but the case. Could we call a sidebar for this case until the end of the world?

Then Pearson himself took the stand and gave the kind of testimony that could make an angel cry. He talked about how hard his life was with his middle aged weight gain and his financial troubles. According to the story, he almost cried. Pants, they’ll break your heart.