Dumb Lawsuits

When it comes to Barry Bonds dealing with the press, on the one hand he can be a rude, mean, short, curt, sarcastic, cutting, angry, short-tempered, touchy little bastard. But on the other hand, wait a minute, this guy’s only got one arm. Moving on…

SAN FRANCISCO (Chronicle) — Barry Bonds’ lawyers say they will ask a judge today to confiscate all profits from a new book alleging that the Giants slugger used steroids, arguing that the book was based on illegally obtained grand jury transcripts.

Any profits from the sale of “Game of Shadows,” or from excerpts published in The Chronicle or Sports Illustrated magazine, should be turned over to charity, Bonds’ lawyers said Thursday in a statement outlining a lawsuit they plan to file in San Francisco Superior Court.

“Bonds is not seeking personal recovery of any of the illegal profits,” said attorneys Michael Rains and Alison Berry Wilkinson. “Instead he will call upon the court to donate all book proceeds to bona fide charitable organizations which serve the low-income youth who need it the most.”

Yes, low income kids need that money for important things like afterschool programs and better materials in the classroom and anabolic steroids so they can cheat their way to the top of the MLB.

So let’s get this straight. Bonds isn’t trying to sue the lawyers for libel. He isn’t trying to sue them for financial losses he encurred because of the book. He isn’t even trying to stop the publication of the book. He’s suing…because it’s true. Does that mean I can sue all of my ex-girlfriends for every mean thing they told their friends about me after we broke up? Ok, I meant both of them.

It’s obvious Bonds is just doing everything he can to silence the Chronicle and their band of truth revealers. Of course, if Bonds really wanted to hurt them, he could (oh I don’t know) start playing better.